Away From Princess

In previous posts, I mentioned that when I first started going back to work from maternity leave, I felt separation anxiety. It was so immense, that the majority of the time I felt I wouldn’t be able to finish the work day. Midday would roll though and I would be in tears; I felt horrible leaving Julianna behind every day. This is not, I thought, how life was supposed to go.

When I became a mother, it didn’t mean that my career was going to end, but my job as a mother did not end as well. I was struggling to find the balance – where was it??? I hear about stay-at-home moms and I can’t help but feel a hint of jealousy: I don’t get to do that. I need to work and the bills need to get paid. When I want to do an errand that will potentially get in the way of me spending my time with Julianna, I really have to think if it’s worth being with Julianna for that hour or so.

I have slowly become used to this new life of motherhood and all that comes with it, but now, I have a bigger issue that I need to tackle on. Come November, I need to take a business trip out of state and be away from Julianna for a whole week. A WEEK!!! When I was told, I didn’t know how to calm my nerves – tears started flowing down my face while I sat in my office thinking about how I could barely do 8-10 hours a day. I know Juliana will be safe…that is not my worry. I am anxious because I know I will deeply miss her. I am also trying to find ways to organize everything for my husband once I leave, to prepping diaper bags to having all the clothing organized to making sure all her food is prepped…

My husband and I will be going to Las Vegas this coming weekend, and here is another example of how I feel: we are not even leaving Julianna for 48 hours and my anxiety is through the roof. I am flying back (and I hate airplanes), just so I could be with Julianna sooner. I know she will be in good hands but the thought of me being away from her makes me so sad. I understand that as parents, Carl and I (as I am sure new parents feel) need some time to refresh and renew our relationship and we plan on having fun with friends and spending some time with each other to do just that.

I know every mama out there has a struggle of their own! Words of love and encouragement always welcomed.

XO, Jan