New Sibling: How to Ease Older Child Into New Role
People have asked me how is Julianna adjusting to our littlest addition to the family, Leah, and to be completely honest, she is doing great. Julianna has gone above and beyond for her big sister role. I am truly blessed to have her. There are several examples of Julianna acting as a caring, big sister: as I am typing this sentence right now, she is putting a blanket on Leah because “she looks cold”. She dances in front of her when she starts crying. She brings me a diaper and wipes when I am changing Leah. She brings me water because she knows I get thirsty while breastfeeding. The list goes on and on. I m so beyond lucky to have this little girl in my life that shines so much light every day.
There are things that I do a lot to make sure that Julianna does not feel left out and I wanted to share some of them with you.
I have a song that I sing everyday to them. “You are my sunshine.” Instead of just singing to Leah directly, I make sure to start with “Julianna and Leah, you are my sunshines…” While I sing, I give Julianna a kiss and then Leah. This is an amazing way that I bond with both of them at the same time.
When I am babying Leah and Julianna is there, I follow up by telling Julianna something I love about her. Sometimes I say “Who is my amazing big girl?” Who is the best big sister?” Who is my strong and brave big girl?” I just don’t give Leah attention but I equally try to give Julianna the same attention as well.
I randomly tell Julianna all the time that I love her. I do this all the time all day long. I want her to know that I love her and that she is always on my mind.
DON’T compare your kids. I never say things like “Leah is being really good and you are not.” This is not building up the older sibling.
From the very beginning, I gave Julianna big sister duties. I told her she is such an amazing older sister and she is so helpful. She feels so proud of herself and accomplished when she helps me with Leah.
Don’t force anything on the older sibling. If Julianna doesn’t feel like doing something I tell her I understand and she can help me another time.
Go on “dates” with your kids. Ever since Leah was born, I try to have some alone time with Julianna whenever I get the opportunity. Our next date is this month and it’s to watch Frozen. I can’t wait to take her out.
Aside from dates, try to get some alone time with them in the home. Even if it’s just for 30 min. Julianna loves to play a memory game that she is good at and she loves it when I read her a story. I try to do these as often as possible.
Apologize to them. I, myself have gone through my moments when I feel like I would just explode from Leah crying, being sleep deprived, and sometimes just having a rough day. When those moments have happened, I sometimes am very short with Julianna and she can tell right away that I am not in a good mood. I tell her I don’t want to talk, or I can’t help her right now, or to give me space. I always make sure to apologize to her. I tell her I love her and that I am not mad at her, and I’m having a rough day. I can see her light up and tells me “It’s okay, mommy. I love you.”
Julianna and I started doing a fun activity every morning and it’s our favorite!! When I first got assigned to be an Aerie ambassador I went to go visit one of their stores and I loved the energy in there. I loved it even more than in the fitting rooms they had post-its all over with empowering words. Attached to the mirror were the post-its and a marker and I wrote down my positive word. I started doing that with Julianna. I tell her to tell me something that she loves about herself or is thankful for and we put stick it to her mirror. She loves doing this and it puts a smile on her face!
Hello! I am Janet. I love connecting with people through all things creative. I hope to hear from you. xo
